5 Reasons Why Men Should Never Fake an Orgasm (Beyond the Obvious)

As I learned in the iconic "I'll have what she's having" scene in When Harry Met Sally. . ., women often faux-O—sometimes even in a diner.

As a man, I never thought I'd have to fake an orgasm myself. And if I ever did, wouldn't that be a good problem? The challenge has always been prolonging sex, not truncating it.

As it turns out, 22% of guys have pulled the ol' fake-it-'til-you-make-it. And even I, having wallowed in perpetual post-pubescent prematurity, have been at times tempted to pretend it 'til I end it.

It happens. Maybe you're tired or distracted or experiencing the negative effects of hard liquor or feeling depleted and dry at the end of a daylong get-it-on marathon. Maybe you fear awkwardness or shame or emasculation or, most notably, hurting your partner's feelings. Whatever your intentions, let's put a real end to the anti-climax antics.

I imagine this situation is rare. Blame it on exhaustion or boredom or even a medical issue. I'll bet the source of most phony finales is older gents or dudes in relationships. Regardless, here's why no one should ever fake the funk.

You Wouldn't Want Your Partner Faking It

Harry is incredulous. "Well, they haven't faked it with me."

"All men are sure it never happened to them and most women at one time or another have done it," Sally responds. "So you do the math."

When I heard that, I never felt more unsure of my sexual prowess and, in turn, every sexual encounter ever. Even the mere possibility of your partner faking it is downright deflating. You wouldn't want your partner faking it—why do it to them?

You'll Probably Get Caught Anyway

Good luck with the theatrical grunting, contrived grimace of ecstasy, and then destroying the (lack of) evidence. A distinction: faking an orgasm isn't the problem. Faking an ejaculation: now that's, uh, hard.

Especially considering this: Studies show both men and women are amazingly accurate at rating their partner's levels of sexual satisfaction. Even if you're putting on a performance worthy of a big-O Oscar, your partner can probably tell if you're not feeling it.

The Faking Doesn't Stop in the Bedroom

If you pretend you finished it doesn't mean you're finished pretending—now you have to act tired, satisfied, and hungry. Lying in bed is a gateway to lying in other areas of your relationship. What else do you have to hide?

It's Not a Big Deal

That's because sex isn't—or shouldn't be—all about the climaxing. A climax doesn't necessarily indicate good sex. And a non-climax doesn't mean it's bad.

You can still be intimate and sensual and satisfied without reaching orgasm. If you're having sex and know you're not going to get there: no worries. Stop and ask your partner to pleasure you in another way. Or maybe you can pleasure him or her. Or maybe you just take a break, grab a grilled cheese (there's never a wrong time!), and try again in an hour or tomorrow.

No One Learns Anything

If you fake it, no one learns anything, and there's no guarantee things will improve next time.

Instead, talk about why it happened. Maybe it was a one-time thing; you're frustrated by and focused on something from your workday. Or maybe it's a bigger issue: Your sex life lacks connection and spark.

Whatever the reason, now's the time for some real talk. A conversation will reveal the underlying causes and, hopefully, solutions to regain intimacy and excitement. Communication and honesty? I'll have what she's having.